A letter to an apostate

[This was originally composed to a friend on Facebook after he pressed me about why I believe in something that cannot be proven scientifically.]

I haven’t given you a fair response in part because I wanted to avoid getting into a debate with you. I’m not interested in debates and winning arguments – there was a time when I was but no longer. I can, however, share with you my perspective on why I base my life around my relationship with our triune Creator (YHWH, Yeshua, and the Ruach Qodesh) and the scriptures concerning them that have been around for 4000 years (Old Testament) and 2000 years (New Testament). (Yeshua can be found in the Old Testament too!)

The simplicity of it is you will never have a reason to believe in the scriptures or trust God for anything until the spiritual realm comes into your life. Hopefully, when the spiritual realm comes to you, it is the Kingdom of Heaven that you are entering into or seeing for the first time, and not the deceptions of the Kingdom of Darkness (which can mimic the miracles of God as seen when the court magi reproduced many of Moses’ miracles, and supported in scripture by Paul when he writes Lucifer and his ilk can appear as angels of light). Also, I realize that you will probably think justifying scripture with other scripture is some kind of circular logic or logical fallacy, to which I have no counter argument for you other than “Live the scriptures and then see what you think.”

I have spent the past five years stuck in the wake of what happened to me in February of 2010. You were an intimate witness to that time and for me the experience was intensely spiritual. I don’t remember how involved you were (I was trying to involve everyone) nor do I know how you feel about that time or whether you even remember it. That was the first time in a long time at that point in my life that the Holy Spirit had come upon me. But I wasn’t fully receiving everything I could have received because I hadn’t been grounded in scriptures since about the age of 12 and had in fact been very angry at God for many things and basically ambivalent about whether He even existed. I envied people who could believe in him, because I was still living by some of the moral principles that are found in the Bible (for example, I was never able to break my vow to not have sex before marriage – in part because I never learned to trust women, especially not that intimately, due to my relationship with my mother and in part because God was helping me keep the vow by befuddling circumstances).

Had I been grounded in the scriptures or had a man of God in my life at the time of my 2010 experience I would probably still be in the Marine Corps. The Marine Corps was my life and identity and part of my downfall. I prided myself on being one of the Few and the Proud, and I wanted to be the next LtCol Donner (at the least! I wanted to be a General!) Just as Satan tempted Jesus with all the kingdoms of the world, Satan came to me and whispered in my ear as the Holy Spirit was whispering to me and promised me great glory and status if I could just explain my “system” to the Marine Corps. Being given glory for the Request Mast didn’t help with my ego either, as people were coming up to me and telling me I was their personal hero (I still have a letter from Stiles signed by multiple people at the company, where the envelope is labeled “To the Hero of ELMACO” and MGySgt Haen has confirmed as recently as Christmas that people still talk about me out in Okinawa).

The simplicity of it was a vision of divine governmental order, but there’s always a spiritual competition and for the last five years I have had to fight for my eternal life (and many people have had to fight on my behalf as well). I almost lost that battle twice recently – once by giving up on someone who has demonstrated greater love for me than any other person on this earth and once again in the psych ward 1/1/2015 to 1/24/2015.

When you are in the psych ward they pump you full of medications, up to 40 different ones. If you are spiritual you know that there is a spirit behind everything – including medication (this is not to say all medication is bad). If you are natural senses reasoning, you might say that every medication has side effects. This last hospitalization has been the most difficult one to stabilize from afterwards because of the intense medications they put me on while in the ward. My sleep schedule is still awful, there’s residual effects from stuff they put me on, and at one point I couldn’t even dress myself without assistance.

I don’t know how any of this will help you or convince you of anything. Most people believe what they see, and most people haven’t seen the Kingdom of Heaven because the church has failed massively in its designated role of advancing the Kingdom. They have truncated the Gospel to simply “Jesus died for your sins,” when Jesus dying for us was never a message that He himself preached. John the Baptist preached “repent” (change your thinking) “for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand” and after being baptized by John, Jesus taught the same thing. The entire message of the Bible concerns God trying to re-establish the Kingdom on Earth that he wanted to give to Adam who in turn gave it to Satan until Jesus redeemed it back to mankind.

I think it was Myles Monroe who said that Jesus dying at the cross is like the gate to a magnificent castle; the rest of the castle is the Kingdom of Heaven but everyone is stuck at the gate and don’t want to press in further.

I could write more but I don’t know if you’ll even read this much or even care because there’s nothing that tastes specifically “scientific” about what I wrote. I could write for ages about all the mystical experiences I’ve had (and I did that once, back in 2011) but I can’t GIVE you my mystical experience and my mystical experience has no right to be authoritative to you (but has every right to be authoritative to me – check out William James for more on this).

The philosophical fate of the West was sealed when we decided to take the perspective of Aristotle which is that there is no such thing as eternal forms and no use to talking about eternity (which Plato very much taught about – he also valued direct human interaction over writing everything down since much meaning is lost in writing and reading). Ever since then our God has been our natural senses and since you can’t see or perceive Spirit through the natural senses we’ve given up on trying to explain things that are outside the scope of science. That doesn’t mean they aren’t there, it just means that if science can’t explain them they must not be valuable.

Your friend in this great tribulation we call life,

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